Never
by Luliyah
Summary: What do are you ment to do when you have a fiance and you fall in love? C2 has never believed in love so she just when along as her parents planned for her to marry Suzaku, it was for her own good after all. After a recollision with Lelouch, she knows that something in her has changed. But what?
1. Chapter 1

My Name is C2. Ever since I was born it has been decided who I shall marry when I turn eighteen. I have three months before my wedding. My family was poor until my mother married my father and my parents say if I do not marry a rich man I will befall the same painful fate as those around me. I never really cared much for what would become of me. I never believed in love. There was nothing in my life to prove that it existed. My parents had an arranged marriage as did their parents before them. There was no one in this world that I cared enough about to give up my own well being, my future for... That is until I met him.

* * *

"The time slowed, even the humming bird's wings could be seen beating. She looked up into his eyes smiling. She knew in that moment that she was in love," I shut the book and handed it back to my little sister.

She hugged it close to her chest and sighed.

"C.C?" she began. "Do you believe in love?"

I sighed she had asked this many times before, usually having finished that particular story but I always gave the same answer.

"No I don't believe because it doesn't exist. Goodnight Nunally," I said standing up and lightly kissing the top of her head before leaving.

I closed the bedroom door behind me and lent against it. I had never believed in love. Unlike Nunally, when I was younger I knew stories with beautiful princesses that fall in love with dashing princes were simply that, stories. I guess my exposure to my parents loveless marriage had made me sure that no such thing existed.

"She's going to meet him again tomorrow morning," I heard my mother's voice carry through from the dinning hall.

"That's good. I hope they're getting along alright," my father answered.

"You know she doesn't believe in love?!" she said as to question him about whether he knew his own daughter.

"Yeah, but that's because of us."

Your right but it's also hard to believe in something that so clearly doesn't exist.

I went back to my room and set out the things needed for my breakfast with Suzaku.

* * *

My mother insisted on my hair being washed and brushed before leaving the house. She also checked the length of my skirt and that there were no wrinkles in my blouse. Suzaku wanted to have breakfast at a cafe; that way we could talk without being interrupted by either of our parents. Not that I would've minded; he was always asking about me. He was too kind, he shouldn't have got stuck with a cynical person such as myself.

"How's the company?" I asked placing my mug on the table.

"It's been tough but we're getting by," he said smiling.

I did my best to smile back at him.

"How's your sister been?" he asked.

My fingers stopped tracing the lines on the mug. I looked up at his hopeful face.

"My sister," I began continuing to trace the lines. "Nunally's getting better, slowly."

"I'm glad," he answered.

* * *

He offered to drive me home but I refused. I had to pick something up for Nunally on the way home. That was a lie. I was sure being in the same car as him would have been suffocating so I walked home, alone. I walk with my head down so I can only see the ground. For that reason, when I bumped into him I only saw his feet...

* * *

I was knocked back onto the ground as my head hit his chest. I looked up, slightly embarrassed by my klutziness. He carried a worried expression as he knelt down beside me.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I looked away as I stood up quickly.

"You should really look where you're going, you could've walked into a pole."

"Yeah, I'm sorry," I said as I walked past him.

* * *

"Nunally, I'm home," I said taking off my shoes in the doorway.

"How was it?" Nunally asked hobbling towards me on her crutches.

"Nunally?!" I said rushing to her side. "You really shouldn't be walking around the house alone whilst your legs are getting better."

"It's fine," she said smiling. "Because I'm not alone, I have you."

* * *

"How'd it go?" she asked eagerly.

"It was like it always is Kallen. He was way too kind, it was sickening," I answered.

We sat on a bench far enough so that Nunally could not hear us but close enough so that we could still see her.

"You're so cynical," she sighed. "You're lucky though."

"How so?!"

"You have your life planned out. Once you marry him, you'll never have to work again. He's kind and handsome, he's a great cook, he's considerate," she answered.

"Oi!" I said nudging her. "You don't have to marry him."

Kallen laughed, her voice echoing in the almost empty park. I glanced over to Nunally, to find that she'd been obscured by a tall man. I quickly got up off the bench and ran over to them.

"Hey what do you want with my sister?!" I shouted as I reached them.

Nunally reached out for my hand to calm me down.

"C.C, it's okay. This man was just helping me. I dropped my broach," Nunally assured me.

He placed the broach in Nunally's hand before turning to me.

"It's you," I breathed taking a step backwards.

Nunally turned her head towards me.

"You know him C.C," she stated but at the time I'd been too preoccupied to notice.

"Yes, I met him the other day while I was walking home."

"So it's C.C," he said smirking, "It's a pleasure."

"You're not allowed to call me that," I said gritting my teeth as Nunally's grip on my hand tightened.

"So what am I allowed to call you?" he asked.

"You do not need to call me anything because we won't be talking again," I answered.

"Very well, by the way it's Lelouch," he said walking away.

* * *

"Kallen," I said storming over to her as Nunally stumbled behind me on her crutches.

"We're leaving."

* * *

I walked quite far behind them on the way home. I could hear them giggling over stupid things in front of me but I was in too much a state of shock to catch up to them.

 _"Very well, by the way I'm Lelouch."_ His voice continued to play over and over again in my mind. It was him. The man who'd been Suzaku's best friend and business partner until three years ago. He'd just up and left the company without a word; leaving nothing but a resignation form on his desk. Nobody from the company had seen him since.

I had only met him twice whilst he was with the company; but that first time was long ago. I had been nine when I attended the company party. Suzaku and Lelouch we're still apprentices being only fourteen. He had changed in more ways than one since the last time I saw him. I guess that was why I didn't recognize him sooner.

* * *

"Who was he?" Kallen asked setting the tea down on the table in front of us.

I rubbed my temples. Nunally giggled as she set her hand out for the mug which Kallen then passed to her. She raised the mug to her lips but stopped before taking a sip.

"Tell her C.C," Nunally said smiling.

"He's Lelouch," I sighed.

Nunally put her mug back on the table as Kallen sat down.

"He was Suzaku's best friend before he abandoned the company. I remember meeting him before; at the company meeting," Nunally said.

"You were only six," I said.

"So what. He asked me how you were doing."

I opened my eyes.

"He remembers," I mumbled.

Nunally nodded.

"Remembers what?!" Kallen asked impatiently.

"Don't talk to him again Nunally," I said standing up and leaving the room.

Kallen called out after me but I fled the house.

* * *

I ran down the road not caring much where I was going. I hadn't wanted to ever see him again in the case that he had remembered. I was young back then, I shouldn't have been held accountable. If he was talking to Nunally about it, it meant that he was serious.

I couldn't live up to what we had promised, especially not now.


	2. Chapter 2

I settled for a park that was quite a way from the house. It was empty despite it being the weekend. I sat down on one of the swings.

"Fancy seeing you here," a cheerful voice sung.

I looked up; Suzaku was stood above me. I smiled up at him as he took a seat on the swing next to me.

"Haven't seen you in a while. Is everything alright with Nunally?" he asked.

I nodded without looking at him. I couldn't get sucked in by his cheerfulness; it would make me forget that I was a bad person for tying him down like I was.

"How about you?" he asked.

I slowly turned my head to look at him. I didn't like being a burden so I kept my emotions deep under the surface; however Suzaku always seemed to see through my act.

"Nothing's wrong," I answered standing up."I've gotta get home."

He nodded like he was deep in thought.

"Will you stop by tomorrow?" he asked as I began to walk away. "I need to talk to you about something important."

"Sure," I said walking off.

* * *

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket as I trudged home. The sky had grown dark and the air was a lot colder. I hunched my shoulders as I walked past a streetlamp that flickered before going out. I stopped. I could feel eyes drilling into my back.

"Don't move," a voice whispered as arms were wrapped round my waist and hot breath tickled the back of my neck.

"Let go!" I said, my teeth gritted and I moved my arms to pull away at his hands.

He quickly spun me around to face him. I looked up; it was Lelouch. His expression was serious.

"Don't move," he repeated as he tilted my chin and kissed me.

I was far too shocked to move let alone stop him. But when he licked my lips asking for permission I pushed him away. I wiped my mouth on my jacket and took another step away from him.

"What do you think you're doing?!" I yelled.

"There was some guy stalking you," he replied. "I was just getting rid of him."

He looked around quickly and spotting nobody his face relaxed. I could tell I had a disgusted look on my face when he took a step towards me.

"You seem to have forgotten," he began, "That I promised I would protect you."

"I don't care what we promised; we were young back then. I don't need you to protect me. I don't want anything to do with you."

His features saddened and I turned to leave.

"You're getting married in three months," he said. "But is that what you really want?!"

"It has nothing to do with you," I said walking away.

* * *

After he left, I'd not wanted to see him again. I don't think I over reacted. He shouldn't have kissed me for whatever reason. I only ever wanted to kiss one person and that was Suzaku. And the only reason I wanted to kiss him was because one day we'd have to do more; I didn't want to be fumbling through every thing the first time we decided to do it. My parents expected us to have children as did his mother. I didn't oppose to having sex with him. For most women it was a action that shows that you are deeply trusting in the other person; for me it was enjoyable, nothing more nothing less. That was why he was the only one I wanted to kiss but... His lips... They were soft like Suzaku's.

* * *

When I got home, I found Kallen and Nunally asleep on the sofa. I found a blanket to cover them with before going to my room. I didn't go to sleep though.

It was past midnight when there was a knock on my door. Kallen entered my room with a blanket draped over her shoulders. She yawned rubbing her eyes.

"You're parents are home," she said. "It's about time I left."

She crossed the room handing me the blanket.

"See you soon," she said walking towards the door.

"Kallen?!" I began and she stopped by the door.

She turned towards me smiling.

"It's cold outside,so just stay here tonight," I said.

She frowned, "I don't think I should."

"They don't hate you for what happened," I assured her.

Reluctantly she shut the door and took a seat on my bed.

* * *

Kallen was fast asleep when I woke up. I decided to let her sleep and instead left a note before leaving the house.

I reached Suzaku's house around eleven and was immediately let in by his assistant.

"He's been waiting for you for hours," Gino said as he led me through the corridors.

"I'm sorry, he didn't tell me what time I should have come," I replied.

"It's alright," he said smiling at me.

He opened the large oak doors to Suzaku's private chambers.

"Suzaku?!" Gino said stepping inside. "C2 is here."

Suzaku turned in his desk chair and stood up to greet me.

"Thanks Gino," he said as the blonde man bowed.

Gino, before leaving the room, winked at me. I stood there puzzled by it until Suzaku walked round the desk and took my hand.

"C-C2!?" he stuttered. "If it's not to much to ask... Can we have sex before the wedding?!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, hope you lot are enjoying the story so far (Even though this is only the third chapter). I'm happy to receive reviews; in fact more than happy. Well anyway enjoy this smutty chapter ;) Luliyah x**

* * *

"Could you repeat that?!" I asked and his face flushed red.

"I just thought it'd be less awkward if during the honeymoon we both knew what we were doing," he explained. "But if you find it too uncomfortable we can wait."

"It's not that," I answered. "I'm just surprised that you asked. I mean only last year were you able to ask if we could start kissing."

Suzaku's face went red again.

"I thought it'd be better to not try and force anything onto you," he said looking away.

He was too kind.

I turned his chin so that he face was tilted towards me.

"Why not," I said as I leaned forward and kissed him.

* * *

It didn't take long before we were both naked on his bed. I could tell that he was nervous about doing something wrong. I closed the space between us before turning my head to kiss him again.

"You're not gonna hurt me," I whispered trying to reassure him.

It must have done the trick because seconds later he had pushed me down on the bed and was hovering just above me. He had already put on the condom and lathered himself in lube so there was nothing stopping us anymore.

He used his leg to part my thighs as he bent his head to kiss me. His lips were soft and so were his hands as they ghosted over my body. He licked my lips asking for permission and I willingly parted my lips. I didn't fight him; I was glad to let him explore my mouth. He seemed glad when he earned a moan out of me. Suzaku also took it as permission to move things along. His hands stopped ghosting over my body and he set one above my head. He then pulled out of the kiss and presented two fingers in front of my mouth. I wasted no time in covering them in saliva because I knew what was coming next. He pulled his fingers out of my mouth and moved towards my lower half. Using his hands he spread my thighs even further and I moaned as he began to rub my clitoris. I could feel myself becoming noticeably wetter as his fingers pulled away from my clit and paused against my entrance. I moaned from the absence of his touch and he chuckled before easing in his fingers. My thighs began to clamp together in an attempt to force his fingers further inside me. Teasing me, he pulled his fingers out and spread my legs apart once again.

"Impatient aren't we!?" he taunted and I whined from the emptiness I was feeling.

He plunged his fingers back inside me; drawing them out slowly before thrusting them back in.

* * *

We didn't get round to going all the way because I got a call from Kallen saying that Nunally was being taken to hospital after falling down the stairs. Suzaku insisted a car take me and I gratefully got in.

I rolled down my window after getting in the car.

"Call me when you lot are done at the hospital. I'll send a car to take you home," he said the worry showing through his features.

"Thanks," I said leaning out of the window and kissing him before the car drove away.

That was one of the most selfish things I've ever done.

* * *

Kallen was waiting for me at the entrance of the hospital and I thanked the driver before getting out and running over to her.

Kallen grabbed my hand as she walked into the hospital she went through countless corridors, dragging me along behind her. I wanted to ask what was going on and what had happened but I knew it was more important to get to Nunally first.

Kallen stopped outside a operating theater displaying a light to show there was an operation in process.

"They have to remove the metal in her shin and her thigh. They're going to replace them but they don't know whether she'll be able to walk ever again," Kallen explained her voice breaking as she finished.

I fell to the floor. I had promised myself that I would look after her above all else. I had promised her that she would get better. So why?! Why was this happening now?!

* * *

A nurse came by not to long after and seeing us waiting outside the operating room showed us to where Nunally would be moved to.

"The surgery is going to be another three hours at the least. Get some rest while you can," the nurse said handing Kallen a blanket.

Kallen thanked her and they began to quietly talk about something. I made out a couple of word: "stress relief", "pills", "scared", "anxiety" .

The nurse then left, shutting the door behind her. Kallen took a seat next to me by the window.

"I don't have anxiety," I mumbled staring out the window.

"It's just in case," Kallen answered.

I stood up and turned away from the window.

"I'm going for a walk," I said walking out of the room.

* * *

Kallen didn't try to stop me but I guess that's because she thought the air would do me some good. And it would've if I hadn't had sat down on the same bench as him.

He knew that I didn't intend to sit next to him and the fact that I hadn't gotten up yet proved that I didn't know he was there. So when he put his arm around me I tensed up. I looked up at his face.

"Oh, it's you," I mumbled standing up but he grabbed my wrist stopping me in my tracks.

"I'm not in the mood," I said trying to pull my wrist from his firm grip.

He moved from my wrist to my hand.

"Stop it," I said, my voice breaking slightly.

I could feel tears building up behind my eyes. I had to get away from here before I started crying; I didn't want him to see.

He pulled me back onto the bench and into him. I was sat sideways on his lap, my forehead resting on his chest and my hand linked with his. Slowly he pulled his had away from mine and put his arms round me.

"There's nobody around to see," he whispered. "And I won't look if you don't want me to; so you can cry."

I buried the rest of my head into his chest, flung my arms round him and cried.


	4. Chapter 4

It felt like hours before I finally lifted my head without tears in my eyes. He gently kissed my forehead.

"Don't do that," I mumbled.

He rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes.

"Is he nice to you?" he whispered.

"Yes," I answered closing my eyes as well.

"That's good."

* * *

Nunally's operation had finished by the time I got back to the hospital.

"The doctor said she needs a lot of rest due to how much medication she's going to be on until the pain goes away," Kallen explained as I took a seat next to Nunally's bed.

"Here," I said handing her the keys to the house. "My parents are away for the weekend so you don't have to worry about seeing them."

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes, "I'm sorry for what happened to Nunally."

"It wasn't your fault. You tried to stop her."

* * *

I fell asleep next to the bed and when I opened my eyes the sky was dark. The nights were still cold in May so I wouldn't be going home tonight; not that I would even if the nights weren't cold.

I pulled out my phone scanning it for any calls or messages I may have missed. As expected I had a miss call from Suzaku and Kallen. I listened to Kallen's voice mail first.

"Hey C2, I just realized that you hadn't let your parents know about Nunally's incident so I rang them. They said that the trains weren't running but they'd be on the first one tomorrow. Look after yourself," and the message ended.

A hand fastened around my wrist and I looked up to see Nunally smiling at me like she hadn't just gone through hell. It pained me and I could feel tears building up once again but I blinked them back.

"Why so sad?" she whispered lifting her other hand to stroke my cheek.

"I'm not sad," she frowned slightly.

"I can't see you but I know C.C."

"Only you," I whispered laying myself down on the bed beside her.

She put her arms round me as I kissed her pale arm. Nunally stroked the back of my head.

"I'll be alright C.C, I'm not giving up yet," I smiled.

* * *

"I'll bring clean clothes for you and Nunally," Kallen said.

"Thanks," I said as I paced up and down beside the window.

"Bye," I said hanging up and turning to Nunally.

She was sat up straight with a small notepad in her hand. She was in pain; every time she moved. Even if it was just her hands she'd groan a bit, but only under her breath thinking I wouldn't hear.

"You haven't taken you medication yet," I said passing her the plastic cup which her the various painkillers and antibiotics.

"She shook her head pushing it away, " I should have my breakfast first."

"Nunally?!" I began but she interrupted.

"The doctors said its best not to consume them on a empty stomach."

* * *

"Your parents are at home," she said passing me my new clothes. "They said you can leave now. They'll be round in the afternoon and asked me to stay with Nunally until then."

"Is that alright?" I asked placing Nunally's new clothes at the foot of her bed.

"Yeah," Kallen said quickly hugging me before shooing me off.

* * *

After getting out of the hospital the first thing I did was take out my phone. I dialed Suzaku's number. I don't know why; but I felt like I should tell him that everything was alright.

"Hey Suzaku," I said as he picked up the phone.

"C2!" he exclaimed and I could practically hear him beaming on the other end of the line.

"How's Nunally?" he asked.

"She's fine," I answered. "It's going to be a lot harder for her than it was before but she's fine."

"I'm glad," he breathed.

"Anyway, I'm leaving the hospital now," I said.

"Do you want to come over?!" he asked hopefully.

"I'll be over in the evening; I'll join you and your mum for dinner. But I need to go home now," I answered.

"Okay. Bye," he said hanging up.

I slipped my phone back into my pocket and looked up.

"Was that him?" he asked.

"What are you doing here?" I asked walking past him.

"I asked you a question," he said grabbing my hand.

"It has nothing to do with you," I said pulling my hand away and walking off.


	5. Chapter 5

I sat in the bath for ages; until my skin was wrinkled, just thinking. Thinking about Nunally, Kallen ,Suzaku... and Lelouch. Nunally would be in a lot of pain in the months to come, and not being able to walk again would kill her. I shifted a bit, changing my position, and watched the surface of the bath break out in ripples.

Two years ago, Nunally had been involved in an accident that temporarily paralyzed her from the thigh down and broke many of her leg bones. It was only late last year that she was able to exercise her leg muscles in the hope to someday walk again. Lately she'd been able to go just about anywhere with the aid of her crutches and walk around her room without them. She'd come so far only to be pushed back by the recent incident.

I ran a hand through my damp hair as I stared into the clear water I was sat in. It was eight years ago, around the time I met Lelouch, it was that I first met Kallen. I decided that I liked her from the moment we had met; and we'd spend most of our days together when I didn't have to spend them with Suzaku. Later that year there was a festival in the town that we lived; my parents were busy that night but allowed us to go on the condition we take Nunally with us. Nunally was only seven at the time and so was unable to keep up with us as we ran through the crowds. Around the time the fireworks began, was when we first realized she wasn't with us. We split up and began to search for her. It was Kallen who found her. But it was too late because Nunally had seen where the beautiful colours had come from... So she continued to walk as Kallen called out to her from behind the safety barrier. Kallen tried to stop her; she really did. But the firework exploded and Nunally lost her sight. Since then Kallen has always had difficulty facing my parents. They don't blame her for what happened that night; neither do I.

A drop of water rolled down my chin and splashed onto the surface unsettling the water once again. The water was now cold meaning I had run out of time to think; slowly I dragged my body from the water and wrapped myself in a towel.

* * *

I never had the chance to have dinner with Suzaku's mother because twenty minutes after I had finished getting ready he showed up at the door.

"Suzaku?!" I said as I stared at him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked leading him inside.

We sat in the dinning room, across from one another.

"Nunally called me she told me that you were having a rough time," he reached across the table and took my hands.

"Nunally's just worried that when she comes home I'll forget to look after myself."

"You knows she's right though!?" he said.

I look away, drawing my hands away from his slowly. He seem to notice this action and quickly retracts his hands setting them on his lap.

"Are you staying?" I asked.

"No, they planed a company meeting at the last minute. "See you soon!?" he said getting up from the table in and almost questionable way.

"I'll call you," I replied standing up after him.

* * *

My parents bags were placed beside the door, making me realize they'd already come and gone.

Kallen called me shortly after I had returned to my room to tell me that my parents had arrived at the hospital and she'd be on her way back to my house.

"You have keys, right?!" I asked.

"Yeah, why?!" Kallen replied.

"I'm going out and I might not be home by the time you get back here," I said.

"Okay, see you later," she said and then hung up.

* * *

I put on my coat with the feeling I needed to escape the house which had recently become a suffocating environment. I knew where I needed to be to get this heavy feeling lifted from my chest. I needed to go down to the docks.

The air was cold and crisp as it whipped my long, green hair out behind me before I finally tied it up. The water was calm and because of that tiny specks dotted the horizon until promptly vanishing. There was never anyone here; it wasn't a popular spot despite the amazing view. So this is where I came to be alone. I closed my eyes, letting the wind whistle beside my ear.

"It's really beautiful, isn't it?!" a voice beside me said.

"Yeah," I said, admin to open my eyes, in case it was him.

"I'm glad you told me about this place," that confirming that it was Lelouch.

Many years ago, I had told Lelouch where I'd run off to when Nunally's legs got worst and she'd sometimes not even be able to haul herself out of bed in the morning.

"I've missed you these past three years," he said and I heard him come to rest on the railings.

"Is that why you left?!" I said tilting my head towards the sky.

"C2," he began his voice apologetic and ridden with guilt.

"It doesn't matter," I said, "The promise or the things we did. None of it matters now."

"Then why are you still afraid to be around me?!" he muttered.

I could hear it. In his voice. When he spoke that he was on the verge of crying. Still I refused to open my eyes; pretending not to hear him.

"It doesn't matter anymore because you left," I said.

"I'm sorry C2," he whispered.

I finally opened my eyes, turning to face him.

"I told you it doesn't matter anymore, just stay away from me," I said.

He raised his head slowly, but not enough for me to see his eyes. Then he flung himself into me. His arms wrapped around me. My coat wasn't thick and I could feel little pools of water forming on the shoulder he'd rested on. I had no choice but to hug him back as he whispered over and over again how sorry he was.

Soon his muffled apology stopped and he quickly turned away to wipe his eyes.

"I'm sorry C2," he said again.

"I know but right now what I did; it doesn't change the fact that you need to stay away from me," I said stepping back.

"I didn't want to leave but I had to, I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he said as he turned to face me again.

His eyes were blood shot and slightly puffy. And the sadness that filled them was too great so that I had to look away.

"Look at me," he whispered, tilting my chin so that I was looking into his eyes.

"You are special to me, C2, that never changed," he knew he couldn't say it.

That he loved me. Because I would never have believed him. I couldn't look at his face. 'I was special to him!' Pfft!

"Don't make me laugh," I said pulling his hand away from my cheek, "If you thought of me as anything more than your partner's fiancee you wouldn't have left without a word."

"You were precious to me once too," I said. "That is before you left."


	6. Chapter 6

I kissed his lips softly before walking away from him. I don't know what it was that made me do that.

Maybe it was the fact that if I hadn't had done anything it would have really been the end. As much as I didn't want to be unnecessarily around Lelouch; I didn't want everything to end just like that.

* * *

I didn't see Lelouch for weeks after that meeting at the dock. I assumed he'd disappeared again. I was surprised. I felt sad at the thought that history was repeating itself; showing that neither of us had moved past what happened.

I began to see Suzaku, however, almost everyday as the wedding plans began to finalize.

* * *

It was now only two months until the wedding. Nunally had finally come out of the hospital and was able to stay at home for up to a week at a time before having to go back in. Suzaku hadn't brought up the subject of sex again since Nunally's incident and to be honest I was somewhat glad. Somewhere down the line I had become scared to have sex with him. I don't know why but I began to think things through a lot more. Kallen was round more often as well. In fact most nights she wouldn't go home. I had been going down to the docks much more as well. In the fleeting hope that I would get to see Lelouch again. But of course I never did.

* * *

It was a rare day in June that it rained. But the day it rained I went down to the docks. The captains of the docking boats must have known about the rain and decided it better not to risk it by going out to sea. However there were a few small specks that disappeared past the horizon.

I didn't have an umbrella. But that didn't stop me from standing out in the rain as the water trickled down my face. It was cold but the feeling of it pattering down on my face calmed me. Then suddenly it stopped; the last rain drop sliding off of my nose.

"You'll catch a cold out here," a voice said softly.

I turned around, almost praying for it to be him.

"Lelouch," I breathed.

I had to resist the urge of flinging myself into his arms. He held the red umbrella above my head and smiled.

"Nice seeing you again C2," he said the smile never fading.

"I'm glad you came back," I murmured turning to face the ocean again.

He moved closer to me, all the while keeping the umbrella above my head.

"Although I'd rather not be around you," I began. "I'm glad you came back so soon. Last time was too long."

He came behind me wrapping his arms around me having discarded the umbrella on the floor. I didn't recoil from his touch; I couldn't. Because even though he left so long ago he had come back.

"C2?!" he began. "Would it be okay to be friends again?"

I paused for a moment before leaning back into him.

"I think that would be alright," I whisper.

In that moment, it mattered not how much I'd resented him in the past because it was no longer the past. And Lelouch was with me once again.

* * *

"I'm off to the hospital," I said picking my keys up off the desk.

"C2, you saw Lelouch today!" Kallen said more of a statement that a question.

"How do you know?" I asked turning to look at her typing away on the laptop.

"You always seem..." she took a moment to choose her wording. She knew that depending on what she said I'd answered differently.

"Happy," she said finally deciding on a word. "You always seem happy after you see him and I don't think you realize."

She was wrong. I did realize. But because of what had already happened I tried to ignore the way I felt every time I saw him. Long ago, he had been precious to me, I had depended on him for things I would never have depend on anyone else for. Now we were distant. Not as distant as we had been upon his return; but still distant. And I still didn't want to get too close because then I'd remember every little detail about the past. It pained me that we might never be like that again.

"No I realize," I murmured leaving the room.

* * *

"Have you been taking your medicine?" I asked, handing Nunally a new jumper.

She nodded taking the jumper from my hands and unfolding it, her hands brushing over the fabric.

"Wait! This isn't mine, where did you get it?" she asked holding it away from herself.

"I bought it for you," I answered. "Well technically Suzaku did because he paid."

"Why?" she asked as she put the jumper to rest on her lap.

"He wanted to get you a get well gift but he wasn't sure what would be the most useful, so I picked out the jumper," I explained.

Her hands ran the fabric more carefully now, trying to take in every detail about it.

"What colour is it?" she asked softly, a smile spreading across her face.

"A sky blue," I answered taking a seat on the bed beside her.

She smiled once more before folding the jumper and resting it on her lap. She then frowned, her brow furrowing.

"Has he come back yet?!" she asked.

"Lelouch?!" I questioned already knowing the answer.

"Who else!" she said her frown only deepening.

"He came back today," I sighed. "I saw him down by the docks. I think we can both finally move on."

I smiled to myself. I wanted to move on, I really did. Nunally's frown faded and a smile slowly crept its was onto her face again.

"I'm glad," she said reaching out for my hand.

She brought my hand to rest on my cheek.

"I want you to be happy C.C, after all you've done for me," she whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

Nunally's breath came out chocked as she recovered from the sudden muscle locking. After Nunally's first accident years ago this had caused inconceivable pain. Her leg muscles tightened, knotting in the process. And now because of the recent accident she was unable to even move her legs to lessen the pain. So I had to watch as she sat there. Her fist grabbing at the thin bed sheets until her knuckles turned white. I couldn't do anything but watch as she lent over, bringing her head towards her chest. But I couldn't look away and I watched as she bit her lip too hard causing blood to trickle down her chin.

She slowly began to lessen her grip on the sheets, the colour returning to her hands, indicating that her muscles had begun to unknot themselves. She raised her head and smiled painfully.

"I'm fine," she whispered as I took her hand.

I rubbed circles on her palm with my thumb as I screwed my eyes shut.

She wasn't alright and she knew it.

* * *

A knock on the door stirred me from my sleep and I lifted my head to see who it was. Suzaku peered around the door waving to me. I stood up exiting the room to speak to him.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I whispered shutting the door behind me.

"I came to see you. Your parents said you'd be here," he answered.

"Let's go outside," I said as I took of down the hospital corridors.

The early morning wind was cold against my cheeks and I had to put my hair up to stop it flying in my face.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked taking a seat on an empty bench.

He took a seat next to me.

"I wanted to talk about Lelouch," I tensed as he said his name.

I would have been able to suppress the memories if it had just been me and Lelouch. But now that Suzaku was asking questions I wasn't sure I could. The memories filtered through my head as his hand slinked around my wrist.

"He's back," he almost whispered.

I knew that; but why did Suzaku.

"He called me," he began. "He said he didn't want to talk about what had happened but at some point he'd like to talk with me. Like... just talk."

I could hear my own breathing, coming out slightly choked as I tried to process what I had just heard. His hand slowly fell from around my wrist.

"He asked about you, C2," he said standing up.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" he said his voiced strained.

His fists were balled by his sides, his head down. But I couldn't say anything. I hung my head; trying not to see as the tears fell down his face.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" he yelled his voice echoing in the emptiness of the morning.

I took a deep breath. I didn't like seeing Suzaku like this. It scared me; he was always so careful to hide his negative emotions from everyone. Yet whenever the subject was about Lelouch he was unable to control himself.

"I'm not surprised he waited until now to tell me," he laughed falsely, raising his arm to wipe his eyes.

"He became so distant after the company meeting all those years ago," he said, his voice low.

I knew it had something to do with meeting me; but Suzaku didn't know that and I wanted it to stay that way.

"He was cold and harsh as if he resented me for something."

I looked up at him to see that his arm was still shielding his face.

"Suzaku," I began trying to weave my fingers between his clenched fist.

Slowly, he weaved his fingers between mine.

"I'm sorry," he said his voice softened. "I just wish you'd had told me."

* * *

As the empty morning turned into the bustling afternoon, we made our way back to the hospital.

Nunally was just waking up by the time we got back. I took a seat by her bed whilst Suzaku loitered by the window.

"Sorry, C.C," she mumbled sitting up on the bed. "How long was I asleep for?"

"A couple of hours," I said looking at my watch.

"Suzaku's here," I added.

Nunally patted the bed beside her, "There's no need for you to be all the way over there."

Suzaku cautiously made his way over, sitting on the bed next to Nunally. She reached across the bed for his hand, enclosing it in hers.

"Thanks for the jumper," she smiled sweetly.

The three of us at there well into the evening, laughing and joking. It was almost nine o'clock when Nunally kicked us out.

"You going home now?" Suzaku asked as we made our way out of the hospital.

"Yeah," I said as we stopped to put on our coats.

"When you're not busy with Nunally can we have a proper talk about Lelouch?"

I nodded even though I didn't want to talk about Lelouch, especially not with Suzaku.

"Bye," he said giving a half hearted smile as we both went our different ways.

* * *

In the following week, I spent most of my time with Lelouch. I don't know how it happened; but before we realized we had returned to the way we were before he'd left.

He threw his head back laughing.

"It wasn't that funny was it?!" I asked pouting.

He took a deep breath before looking at me but then burst into a fit of giggles. I sighed.

"Like you've never done anything stupid?!" I said teasingly.

His expression became serious before a smirk spread across his face.

"Well," he began leaning back into the bench. "While I was at the company, Suzaku had the fastest computer on the floor. He was off in meeting more often than not and so I began to use his computer for looking things up."

"And what would these things be?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Porn," he muttered, a deep blush covering his face.

"Oh so the usually," I said smirking.

He cocked an eyebrow at me before continuing.

"This one time I was drinking coke and I was watching a very, very graphic video and in my excitement," he blushed again. "I knocked the coke onto the keyboard and hard drive."

"I thought for sure that the whole system would crash. But no! The screen froze right in the middle of the video. I couldn't look Suzaku in the eye for weeks after."

A hand covered my mouth as I tried to suppress my laughter. My efforts were useless and I burst into giggles.

Lelouch just smiled as I laughed until I could no longer breathe.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys, enjoy this smutty chapter and don't forget to leave reviews ;)**

 **Luliyah x**

* * *

As my laughter ceased I could feel Lelouch's eyes on me.

"You don't smile often do you?! Much less do you laugh!" he whispered tucking a hair behind my ear.

He cupped my face.

"Have you done it with anyone else since?" he asked.

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Will you do it with me again?" I nodded.

Lelouch's lips brushed against mine.

"My place," he whispered his breath feathering my ear.

* * *

His kisses were rough but not without passion. His lips softly crashing into mine. We kicked off our shoes and dropped our coats as we neared the bed. His hand brushed over me, applying more pressure to some areas.

"C2," he moaned as I playfully bit his lip.

We fell back onto the bed; quickly discarding our clothes. He hovered over me, his breathing heavy like mine. His fingers caressed the skin on my arms and legs as he rid me of my underwear. He lay back on the bed in triumph.

His black boxers did nothing to conceal his growing boner as I rubbed myself against it. Moans escaped his lips at the friction and he threw me onto the bed.

I smiled innocently up at him.

He chuckled, "You're so naughty."

I eased myself up and pulled off his boxers. There was a decent amount of fumbling before Lelouch got the condom on and set me on his lap. He pressed at my entrance before slowly lowering me onto him.

It took a few minutes to adjust to him inside me; and then I gave him permission to begin moving.

His thrust began slow and gentle being sure to not cause me pain.

"Lelouch," I moaned. "You're so mean."

He chuckled as he began to speed up.

He slammed me down onto him hard and I moaned as he hit deep within me. Then he slowly pulled out before thrusting into me once more. Lelouch's hands slid to the small of my back as he guided my hips into a smooth rolling rhythm. My eyes closed as he began to suck and nibble at the sensitive skin on my neck.

"Lelouch!" I moaned my fingers tugging at the strands of hair at the back of his head.

He began placing kisses along my collar bone and up my neck. I opened my eyes as his hot breath ghosted over my lips.

"Lelouch," I mumbled as his lips brushed against mine.

He tugged my bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled away. I was getting close to an orgasm when his thrusts started once more. I moaned again but it was muffled by his lips on mine; my lips parted and his tongue slid into my mouth. I could feel him smiling against my lips as our tongues fought for dominance. His hands came to rest on my thighs as he won the fight. I pulled out of the kiss; moaning when I came.

My arms slipped round his neck. Easing myself up off of him, I came to rest on his lap. Lelouch's hands moved to my back and he pulled me into him.

"Lelouch?!" I whispered when he buried his head into the crook of my shoulder.

"Do you really love him?" he asked.

"Don't do this Lelouch," I pleaded standing up.

I turned away from him and heard him get up. His arms wrapped around me from behind and I could feel his warmth pressed against me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered kissing my shoulder. "We'd finally gone back to the way we were but I need to know."

I sighed, turning back towards him.

"You know that I don't believe in love, that hasn't changed since you left."

He let go of me and sat back down on the bed.

"That's why I didn't want to see you when you came back because I knew we'd have to break our promise," I could feel tears surfacing.

I desperately blinked them back but they fell from my eyes.

"If our promise was broken, I knew all this would end. I don't want this to be over. No matter how much I try to convince myself that it's not true... You're precious to me, and I don't want to lose you."

The tears were coming out faster now, flooding out of my eyes. I couldn't be bothered to try and hide my face from Lelouch.

I looked at Lelouch, there were tears coming from his eyes. Much less than mine, but tears none the less.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I realized how stupid I was making that promise. Because if you couldn't fall in love with someone like Suzaku how could I expect you to fall in love with someone like me!?"

I walked over to him and hugged him as I continued to cry.

"I'm sorry that I can't love you," I whispered when the tears had finally stopped. "Just don't leave me again!?"

"I won't," he said kissing my head.

* * *

I was fifteen when Lelouch left town. So quickly had the guy I lost my virginity to became a phantom. A name whispered around his former company when Suzaku was not around to hear it. A subject avoided by Nunally till recently. She knew he'd hurt me by leaving without saying anything. She knew I'd cared for him more than most people care for their parents but that had only been because I cared not for my parents past a certain degree. Lelouch, Nunally and Suzaku had been the most important people in my life up until the day he left. It had been hard to pretend in front of Suzaku as if his disappearance had not phased me as it did. Suzaku had been in shreds. His childhood friend had abandoned their once joint company, skipped town and not mentioned a word of it to him. That was why some small part of him still resented Lelouch, not that he would admit to it.


	9. Chapter 9

A few weeks later, Lelouch disappeared yet again, despite what he'd said to me. I thought that this vicious cycle would never end. He'd leave, I'd be left devastated, he'd come back and we'd eventually go back to the way we were until he left again.

This time however he was back within a few days. I knew he was back but he never gave me the opportunity to see him or speak to him. My time was running out with the wedding less than a month away and in that time I hadn't seen Lelouch once.

* * *

"Suzaku?" I asked knocking on the door to his study.

I heard a muffled "Come in," and pushed the door open slightly before stepping inside.

"C2, right on time!" he sung as he descended from a ladder lent against a bookcase with three books in his hand.

"What you up to?!" I asked leaning against the door.

"I needed to check on some of the company records from a few months back but that can wait. What did you want to talk about?!" he asked placing the books on his desk and gesturing for me to sit down.

"You're not going to like what I have to say but please don't hate me!?" I practically whispered.

"Hate you!? I'm sure it's not that bad to make me hate you," he said his smile slightly reassuring.

"Three weeks ago I slept with Lelouch," the smile faded from Suzaku's face and he sat down suddenly.

I hung my head so I was unable to see his hurt expression.

"C2, do you love him?" he asked his voice quiet but with some edge to it.

I shook my head.

"Then forget about it, forget about him, I'm over him!" He said slamming his fist down on the table.

I looked up at his face to see his expressions distorted in hate and anger.

"I can't forget about it Suzaku, I can't forget about him because no matter how much I try I'm not going to get over him!" I began my voice raising. "He's never just going to be another person to me. He's always going to be someone special to me and you know that! Spending time with Lelouch, I began to think that loving someone might actually be possible."

He stood up, "We are getting married in under a month!" he shouted.

"But that isn't what I want!" I yelled.

I saw him take a step back and steady himself on his desk.

"W-what!?" he stuttered.

"Suzaku," I began my voice soft, "You always wanted me to fall in love, and maybe I will. But I can't fall in love with you."

He sat back down. I opened my mouth to speak but he held his hand up to silence me.

"Get out," he mumbled.

I stood still despite the fact I had heard him loud and clear.

"GET OUT!" he yelled.

I walked towards the door but paused before opening it.

"I'm sorry Suzaku," he said nothing as I shut the door behind me.

* * *

Nunally was meant to be spending some time at home that week. However when I got home the only people at the table were my mum and dad.

I sat down across from them at the table but they didn't smile when I made eye contact with them. In fact they had ashamed looks on their faces.

"Mum?!" I began, "What's going on? Where's Nunally?!"

"I asked her to go to her room," she answered her gaze on me never faltering.

"Suzaku's mother called us," my dad interjected. "She said the wedding is called off."

My mum stood up suddenly, slapping me across my face. My cheek burned where she'd slapped me and I hung my head as she began to shout.

"How could you be so reckless! Throwing away your future as if it were nothing!"

"I don't need Suzaku to have a future!" I yelled at her and I heard her hand raise before the burning sensation on my cheek was doubled.

She was crying, I could heard it, a muffled cry.

She was about to slap me for a third time before my dad finally stood up, slamming his hands down on the table.

"ENOUGH!" he shouted.

"What about you dad?" I whispered rubbing my arm as goosebumps rose over my skin. "Do you think I've thrown away my future?"

"Yes," he answered bluntly. "You could have had an amazing future married to Suzaku."

"This..." I began my voice shaking, "T-this is why I can never love anyone. You've taken away such an important thing from me, just because you couldn't have it. Because you couldn't love anyone, not even me or Nunally; your own daughters! I've missed out on so much because of you."

I was slapped across the face again. This time by my dad. My cheek was slowly becoming numb so that I was hardly able to register the amount of pain I should have been feeling.

"You only hit me because you know it's true," I said looking my dad straight in the eye. "All you think about is money. That you need to have money to have a good future or be happy. That's why you're so sure that I can't make a good life for myself without it. I don't need money if it turns me into monsters like you!"

I stood up and walked away from my parents, if you could even call them that.

* * *

Once a fair distance away from the house I called Kallen.

"C2?!" she sounded surprised as she picked up the call.

"Kallen, could you go take Nunally to your house until she goes back to the hospital?" I asked.

"Sure," she answered. "What happened?!"

"Don't worry about it," I said brushing off the assault from my parents. "Could you please just take care of her for a while?"

"Of course, I'll head over now," she said.

"Bye," I said about to close the phone.

"Wait! Take care of yourself C2," she said hanging up.


	10. Chapter 10

Lelouch was unpredictable. I wasn't sure that he was at home; and if he was, whether he'd let me in. I knocked on the door and heard the shuffle of slippers on wooden floors. Lelouch appeared at the door in pajama bottoms and a black t-shirt. His hair was scruffy and in the hand that didn't hold the door open; he held a mug. He smelled strongly of alcohol and I began to feel light headed the longer I stood there.

"C2?!" he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

I touched my hand to my cheek and it came away covered in blood. I saw Lelouch's terrified face and then I saw the ground fall away from beneath me.

* * *

When I opened my eyes, Lelouch was hovering above me holding a cloth, soaked in what must have been antiseptic, on my cheek.

"Lulu," I whispered, my head spinning too much to realize what I'd just said.

He stopped holding the cloth long enough to lean down and kiss me. The back of my head throbbed as my hand reached up to cup the back of his neck, lifting myself slightly off of the sofa. I could taste alcohol on his lips and tongue as my fingers curled around his hair. Tears began to fall from my eyes; the fight with my parents resurfacing in my mind.

He pulled away from me slowly, his face expressionless.

"What happened?" he whispered kissing my scarred cheek.

I pulled him down towards me, kissing his lips softly.

"It doesn't matter anymore," I said as he cradled my face.

"C2!" he mumbled his lips ghosting over mine as he closed his eyes.

"You can tell me, you can trust me," he whispered, resting his forehead on mine.

"How can I trust you?!" I began, choking slightly as tears continued to roll down my cheeks. "You said you wouldn't go away again but you did!"

"I'm sorry," he said but he didn't give a reason.

"Is that it," I sighed, sniffling.

He pulled away from me slightly. He knew that as long as he didn't tell me the reasons for his regular disappearances there would always be distance between us. He knew that yet he refused to tell me.

I sat up on the sofa and he came to sit beside me. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. I sniffled again, chuckling as I dried my eyes yet again.

"Suzaku's mum called off the wedding," I laughed. "I told Suzaku I didn't want to marry him. When my parents found out they hit me, across my face three times. Mum was wearing her rings that's why there was blood."

"How could they do this to you?!" he said his voice tight, and his fists balled in his lap.

"My parents don't love me Lelouch," I said laughing at the thought. "So they don't think I'll have a good future without money. Suzaku had money; I told him I wanted out and this is what they did to me."

Lelouch's fingers brushed over my cheek and he pulled me into him. I didn't think I could cry anymore than I already had but I did. And I cried and cried while Lelouch held me in his arms.

* * *

"I should get going," I said standing up off the sofa and wiping my tear stained cheeks.

"And where are you going to go?! You can't go back home!?" he asked.

"It doesn't concern you where I go," I said coldly.

"C2!" he said standing up.

"Don't," I said closing my eyes. "Don't say something like I'm special to you or that you care about me. Just don't lie to my face."

"Bullshit!" he yelled. "C2 you _are_ special to me!"

"If you care about me so much why do you keep running off without telling anyone, without telling me?!" I asked turning to face him.

"It's important," he said sounding frustrated.

"What is it Lelouch?! What is it that's so important that you keep leaving?!" I yelled.

He frowned as if debating something in his mind before saying it.

"I don't want to talk about it," he mumbled, looking away.

"This, Lelouch!" I said continuing to yell. "Is why we will never be the way we were back then; because neither of us trusts one another! You won't let me in Lelouch; yet you expect for me to open up to you with every problem I have! It doesn't work like that!"

Lelouch took a seat back down on the sofa.

"I'm done. I'm done with trying to reach out to you," I said my voice softening. "Goodbye Lelouch."

I walked out of his flat refusing to look back.

* * *

I wandered around the neighboring streets before settling for the docks. However, Lelouch was already there. I was ready to turn back when he began to speak.

"Rolo died," he said his head facing towards the horizon.

"He became sick three years ago. As you know my parents aren't around anymore, so I chose to go look after him. It happened so suddenly and I didn't know how soon I'd be back, if at all so I quit the company and left town. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you C2."

I couldn't say anything.

"It wasn't that I didn't trust you but that I was scared. I was scared that if I said it out loud the fact that he was sick would become all the more real. Where Rolo lived I would have a constant reminder of his condition, the neighbors were all concerned as was anyone who knew him. But here," he sighed. "No one but you and Suzaku knew about Rolo and nobody knew about his illness so there was nothing to ask. It was nice to just forget that he was sick for some time."

"Lulu," I breathed.

"The last time I left I attended his funeral. It was strange and scary to see just how few people actually knew my brother. And then when I came back, you were here... But I couldn't bring myself to tell you because it would only make me remember."

* * *

I didn't know Rolo so I couldn't say that he was a good kid or that he had a good life because I'd only be making assumptions. So I left. I walked away because I couldn't say goodbye again.

* * *

I didn't see anyone for a few days. I didn't sleep either; I just wondered around the streets. I had at least thirty voice mails from various people.

I didn't check them before deleting them.

I sat on the mixture of sand and pebbles that the town called a beach. My reactions were slow and my vision rather hazy. There was a constant throbbing at the back of my head. I didn't know why I was out here. Alone. Afraid. I just knew that I couldn't bear to see anyone; not my parents, not Suzaku, not Lelouch.

My fingertips regularly brushed against my cheek, just to remind me of what my parents had done, as I looked out to the sea. I could feel the need for sleep dragging me down like a wave dragging down everything; but I refused it. I needed to stay awake. If I closed my eyes for more than a second I might forget, and I didn't want to forget.

Then I felt it, warm tears making their way down my cheeks, seeping their way into my scarring flesh. Lelouch had been in pain the whole time since he returned but I hadn't seen it. Instead, I had ridiculed him and made him feel guilty.

There was a soft thud as someone sat beside me on the sand.

"He'll forgive you," Kallen whispered before her arms wrapped around me.

I snuggled my head into her shoulder, desperately rubbing away my tears. I had been fine with Lelouch seeing my weak side... But that was it... No one else could.

* * *

It was only a few days later that I had enough courage to go and see Lelouch. It took all my strength to raise my hand to knock on his door. When Lelouch opened the door he looked nothing like he had the last time. Our eyes met as he pulled the door open but he quickly looked at the floor.

"How's the cheek?!" he asked.

I brushed my hand against my cheek, "Fine. Thanks to you."

He looked up briefly, smiling before his gaze returned to the ground.

"I want to apologize for the way I acted. I didn't know what was going on in your life. I was selfish," I said.

He chuckled.

"C2, you couldn't be selfish if you tried," he looked up and didn't look down again. "You gave up your entire life after your sister's accident to take care of her. You broke off your engagement with Suzaku because you didn't want to marry him; and I'm sure it was in his interest."

I shook my head, "That was the selfish thing I did."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"When I told him about what we'd done together he wanted me to forget about you. I couldn't do that... I couldn't forget about the one person I love," I looked at him, my eyes full of tears.

He stepped forward and pulled me into him. He kissed my forehead.

"Do you really mean it C2?!" he asked.

"Yes, I love you," I said.

* * *

But I'll _never_ say it to anyone else.

 _ **Never**_

~The End

* * *

 **And so the story ends... I had so much fun writing this I hope you guys had at least half as much fun reading it. Thank you to all those who stuck with the story until the end (however strange it was).**

 **Luliyah X**


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